So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
