when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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