perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
