I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
