and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize