I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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