Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
