Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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