I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
