you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
