I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i now understand why vodka
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
