OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
