I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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