I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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