I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
