cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
