why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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