Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
