you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
