I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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