After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
