I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
