dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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