Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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