So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
