i permit you to call me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
