i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
