god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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