just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
FUCK WHALES
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