I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're a waste of cheezeits
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
