yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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