Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
