Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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