everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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