sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
