my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
