I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
