I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
