Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
