Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
