3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
