I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize