nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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