Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
