Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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