guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
