I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
