So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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