Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
