I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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