Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
