They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
