My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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