I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize