apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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