I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
