the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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