I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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