Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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