I'm really into asian looking animals
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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