Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize