Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
