Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
