That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
