I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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