You made me cry and you don't even care
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
