the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
