Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i've created a new STD.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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