I want you more than these girls want KFC
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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