I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
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