I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
