I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
