Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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