No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My bed smells like the plague
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
