i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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