He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
