did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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